This story contains references to domestic violence and traditional practices affecting women’s health and autonomy. Some readers may find this content distressing. Please take care while reading, and seek support if needed.
Lillian Muchiri knows what it’s like to be hungry. To be physically assaulted. To sleep on a lumpy mat made of palm leaves in a room that harbours snakes, scorpions, mice and cockroaches. And to be so poor that you have to brush your teeth with tree twigs.
Lillian is a survivor. She is the epitome of true grit, with a fierce determination to overcome adversity and set long-term goals.
Sitting in the peaceful, lush surroundings of the Palmwoods Neighbourhood Park, it’s hard to believe that the quietly spoken woman reminiscing about her childhood in the remote Kenyan village of Mathiga Marimanti is not bitter about her experiences growing up. Instead, she wants her story to inspire others to overcome challenges and embrace opportunities to improve their lives.
The scrawny child who used to run three kilometres barefoot to and from her primary school each day is now a beautiful, confident woman with a master’s degree in nursing, working for Sunshine Coast Health Services as a clinical nurse in mental health.
Lillian is also a book author, having recently published her book Looking Back to Move Forward. The inspirational memoir showcases her incredible strength and determination to break the never-ending cycle of deprivation and highlight unjust traditional customs that continue to impact women and children.
But that’s not all she has achieved. She has purchased two acres of land in her home village and formed a charity, Karibu Women’s and Children’s Home. Karibu is a Swahili word that means ‘welcome’.
Lillian has raised funds for a water tank but also plans to sink a borehole and eventually establish a community centre. Through the proceeds of her book, fundraisers, donations and speaking appearances, she has raised $14,600 so far. She needs another $5400 to complete the borehole.
“Everyone in the community will benefit and I think that will prompt conversations about the value of women and girls,” Lillian says. “Women have to walk miles to collect water and it is dirty. If we have clean water, the community will be able to drink it and grow food for themselves, perhaps sell it and have money to educate their children.”
Lillian grew up as the fourth of 18 siblings in a polygamous family. Her mother, Janet, was her father’s third wife and gave birth to eight children, four boys and four girls, one of whom died at a young age. Her late father was a retired police officer and the area sub-chief of their village. He would regularly beat her mother and the children.
“He beat Mum by inflicting hard blows to her face and punches everywhere. Some days, he would use a cowhide belt, a walking stick or a sturdy twig.”
Lillian says her mum was “her rock”.
“She is a very strong person and despite the hardships she endured, I never saw her shed a tear. Unlike my father, she never laid a hand on me. Instead, she protected us as much as she could, but it was a chaotic life of poverty and deprivation.”
Lillian had to fend for herself from a very young age. “Mum was away for most of our childhood. She would walk 30 kilometres to a farm where she farmed for months at a time. When Mum was away, we lived each day with no expectations other than surviving.”
When she was 13, Lillian was subjected to the traumatic and painful experience of female genital mutilation, a practice which continues in her village today. “Afterwards you have to lie on your back for days until the wound heals. While you’re recovering, the older women speak to you about how to obey and respect men.”
Lillian says education was the key to unlocking opportunities to forge a better life and she credits her oldest brother, Michael, for setting her on the path to a new future in Australia.
“My brother worked so hard throughout his schooling and university years. With his savings, he paid for our secondary school education, including boarding school. He changed the trajectory of our lives. We owe him a huge debt of gratitude.
“He could have turned his back on us but instead, he supported us.”
She says Michael was also an excellent role model with three of her siblings attaining PhDs and the other four achieving master’s degrees.
Michael, now a senior lecturer at the Melbourne Institute of Technology, encouraged Lillian to follow him to Rockhampton where he was a lecturer at Central Queensland University. “I was successful in applying for a student visa to study nursing. Michael paid for my first term’s tuition fees before I secured work to pay for the rest.”
Lillian describes her arrival in Rockhampton as “stepping into a different world”.
“I worked in two jobs — both at nursing homes — to support myself. Although it was very tiring, it was so much better. To be honest, I was starving most of the time in Kenya but here, there was so much food.
“What blew my mind was the number of opportunities here. If you’re an Australian, you don’t have to pay school fees and you can get loans to go to university. To go to high school in Kenya, we had to go to boarding school, which was six hours away, and we would be there for months.
“In Australia, if you have a good attitude, you can work your way to becoming anything you wish. The sky’s the limit.”
At her graduation celebration, Lillian met her future husband, Jeffrey and they had two sons, Oliver (11) and Jabari (9). After seven years of marriage, they agreed to part ways but work closely together to support their boys.
Lillian’s eyes light up when she speaks about her sons. She has taken them to see her mum, who still lives in her home village, three times — in 2015, 2018 and 2023. During the last visit, they held a ground-breaking ceremony for the building of the 150,000-litre concrete water tank funded by Lillian’s charity. She was also able to give her mum a copy of her book.
“She was so proud, and it was such a beautiful moment, especially when she saw herself on the cover. When I was 18, I had promised her that I would do something about what we had all gone through, and she could see that something positive was coming out of it.”
Lillian says her sons also loved being there, appreciating the culture more than in previous visits. “We wouldn’t see them all day, they were so busy. We went to lots of cultural events, and they were truly embraced by the community.”
There was a little more respect for Lillian from the men too. “I think they realise I’m not there to create conflict but to make peace, although many subjects are still taboo. Women are still afraid to talk because of the threat of beatings. I try to support those who need help.”
Although Lillian has set her sights on building a safe haven for the women and children, she acknowledges it may only be a temporary solution. “Unfortunately, the men will know where they are. Perhaps building something for both men and women, such as a community centre, which can support children throughout school, may be better and more sustainable.”
Karibu Women’s and Children’s Home is approved for tax deductible donations. To donate or to buy Lillian’s book, see karibuwomenhome.com.au.
If you are at risk of domestic, family or sexual violence, help is available. Phone 1800RESPECT — 1800 737 732 for support.